What if I could Have ..

What if  I could have  ………. Done any of the things  I had dreamed of doing when still a child ? There are so many things I wanted to do , mostly as a way of escape , but the thing that  I had most wanted to do was be a nurse . I loved the way those people  gave of themselves  as they did the job that not everyone is cut out for . Lets face it some of the things they have to do  is just plain messy  and might make you feel like  being sick , but these dedicated people do it without question . Now even  though I was never allowed to follow my dreams I am really happy that some of my family have done what I could not , and seem to love doing it  .My other dream was to sing and  even had lessons with a wonderful teacher who said  I was very good  , but that too was ripped off me  .

So what if  I could have done it  ?  Where would  I be now  ? Who would I be with ? Would  I have such wonderful children and grand children  and great grand children ? Would  I be as happy as  I am now with a man who actually knows what love means , it is not just a 1 way  street with him . Would  I be rich  ? would  I even still be here  ?  Would I be famous ? Questions , questions, questions…………….Questions that may be hard if not impossible to answer ……

So let’s answer them if we can   , 1st answer  is  I have no idea , because if  I could have done what my heart wanted it would have taken me on a completely different path altogether  and may not have ended up here  . Who knows what part of the world I would be in now , or if  I would be happy or wishing I had not been able to do what  I had dreamed of for so long . Then also if  I had achieved my dreams 1 or the other would  I have ever met the father of my children ?  Would  I even have any children ? I often sit and think about this and my head just goes round in circles  with the thought of what if I could have , my mind works up a scenario for either of the things  that  I had wanted to do so much when I was little , then I wonder  if it was for the best that  I was not allowed to .

How many others  I wonder ever  sit back and think about  where they are now and where they had really wanted to be when they were very young , and if where they are now is as good or maybe better than what they first wanted . If they ever sit and ponder and  work out the pros and cons and are happy with the way things turned out in the end  ?I know I for 1 am very happy now but it has taken many , many years to get here and it has been very painful at times , but I am happier now than I have ever been . I won’t for 1 minute say all is rosy it isn’t  but at least I have the love I always longed for but never got , so what problems we have can be sorted out because we do it together . I am now not just 1 person fighting for survival , have now got someone who has the same dreams as  I have and will back me up at all times , as  I will for him no matter what  that is what true love is and does  2 becomes 1 .

To be honest  this is a question  that can send you  nuts ( yes  I am already ) lol but the longer you ponder , the more you think  the more your head goes in circles , so maybe its not a good idea , but sometimes we do need to sit and realise how much  better most likely we are now than what might have been if we had actually got  what we thought we wanted . At the time we first set out as kids we have such dreams and ideas about what we want to do with our lives  that really at the time we make these plans  we are a bit young to have  all the information we need to make the right choices . Maybe if we had got what we wanted the 1st time it may have been a disaster , it might have ended up with us in all sorts of trouble we can never know , when we are that young the mind has no real boundaries  has not yet been  battered around by life  , or by people , or situations beyond our control .

The 1 thing  I am really happy about is that  I grew up before all the ” wonderful technology ” that we have today was even thought of . Don’t get me wrong most of it is wonderful but  a lot is not and I dread to think what it would have been like had these things all been around when I was growing up , have a feeling it would have made things a lot worse but that is something  I will never know for sure but is good to think about sometimes.  So basically  all the questions  I asked have no real answer we can only speculate  and ponder  , but my thought is  just do what is right and  be kind to others and pray often then you will have a better chance of being happy .

There is something so unique about me, that even I can’t figure it out…

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