My Day ….This is a different type of blog today , it is by request as a lot know that I have a lot of pain in my body 24/7 and asked me to do 1 about my day to hopefully help others to cope . My body is broken and damaged in many places , not done by me but by others but is in no way a poor me blog. I have said this to start so no one thinks it is just a self pity blog , I am not now and never will be into self pity . So this will be about how I cope and how I get through each 24 hours , with a hope that something in this blog may help someone somewhere .
First then I will start from when I go to bed , if I am very lucky I will get 4 hours sleep before the pain wakes me , then I will get up go to the loo then go back and try to sleep again , with a bit of luck I may get another hour maybe 2 of sleep but that does not usually happen . So on waking up , or deciding I have had enough time trying to sleep it is time to get up , this is the start of the fun for the day , 1st I have to be able to stand upright and not fall over as my balance is always off centre , owing to damage to the left ear and left eye and severe tinnitus , so this hurdle accomplished it is off to the kitchen to get coffee for us if hubby is home, he does shift work so our times together are always variable . Then once coffee is made , it is off to the computer for hopefully some distraction from pain, as in just making the coffee and getting to sit here the pain level has been going up. Walking and standing in 1 place to do anything is now very painful , so am glad to sit for a while while I drink my coffee. Love sitting here chatting and joking with people as it does distract a little bit from the pain , and anything that does that is fine by me. Even sitting now though has also become painful and there is no 1 thing I can do for long , I have to keep moving about to change the position of and strength of the pain.
So after coffee there are the chores to be done , no matter what shift hubby is on they still need doing , washing , cleaning, dishes, cooking, etc, all take time , but as I can no longer do these as quickly as I used to it takes a while to get it all done. Some times I can not do something in 1 hit as I used to, I have to sit and rest to take the edge off the pain before completing the job in hand , when I think of how quick I used to be doing these things it hurts to be like this now , but at least I can still do them and that’s a bonus. When all are finally done for the day then I will try to rest and usually watch TV or DVD’s or read just something to try and distract me . I will not stop or relax though no matter what hubby tells me ( sorry dear ) until all chores are finished , get them done and then relax is my motto .
During this time , and doing all this and even without going out anywhere my pain by now is right off the scale but I will not give into it will never give into it , as I always say to hubby to his disgust , lol, it is only pain dear , he hates that because he hates to see me in pain and I love him for it but the chores need doing and he has enough to do with his job without doing my chores too . By now also quite often I am crying with the pain , as I have never been able to find a pain killer that works for me without violent repercussions so I take nothing at all , only thing I do is cry at times , it does not help the pain but it does take some pressure off . So chores are a mix of sitting down , doing more, and crying but it all gets done as it should . Hubby being the wonderful man he is does try to do some of them so I cant , so as to save me some pain .
The 1 thing I am most happy about is that no one can see me when I cry , they might be laughing and joking with me at the time but they do not see me cry , and thankfully hubby does not see this either as I have become master of hiding how I really am he has enough to do without me worrying him . I get through each day , do what I must , and look after him that is all that matters to me , but by the time I have got to the point of going to bed again I am exhausted not so much by the chores but by coping with pain it does tire you out. Some days i do not go out at all if the humidity is too high as it sends my balance crazy and it is not safe for me to go alone . Sometimes when it is ok though I will go to Westfield and then stop by the pub on the way home as it is so nice to have someone to talk to for a while , as I do spend many hours alone and really get sick of my own company , and the people there are on the whole lovely people and have no idea about my pain.
The 1 and only thing that has kept me going even though there seems to be no end to the pain , is as I mentioned before in another blog is my undying love for God , he showed me many years ago that he loved me and I know he still does , so him and all the love of family and friends keep me going . Even though just putting 1 foot in front of the other hurts with a pain that brings tears to my eyes , the love that I have , and also the will to never let it beat me is what keeps me going , and I have faith that it will always do so . It is very hard some days to keep going when the pain is so high but all i have to do is remember what keeps me going , and that helps me to keep putting that 1 foot in front of the other and to never never give up . So to anyone else in constant pain , even though it is so very hard , find something or someone to put your faith and trust in and never give up , if I can do it through my tears and through my pain then you can too , just say to yourself it is only pain , and I can do this I am strong enough .. I do it every day and it still works for me . …Every day is a challenge and you can win that day …
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine….